I hate Like

Let me just start right off by saying I HATE Facebook. If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that! It just perpetrates a society of lazy mother fuckers that do nothing all day but to get up in everyone else’s business, comment on worthless stuff that no one cares about and sit around counting the number of “likes” and comments they get with their own boring useless shit they post!

Yup! This totally needed to be shared!

But perhaps what I hate the most about Facebook is that I can’t deny that it has some genuinely legitimate uses. I hate that something I loathe so much actually helps me in certain endeavours. I can stay in contact to my best friends who are all over the world. I can check in and see pictures of my family that I don’t get to see that often. It’s an efficient tool to communicate with people at my school. And it helps me promote my projects to a wider audience like this nifty blog you happen to be reading right now! (No doubt you got here by a shared link posted on Facebook.) So before you scroll down to the comment section to point out how much of a hypocrite I am; know that I’m well aware of that fact! Also there’s no need to be such a dick!

Yet still there are things about Facebook that make me want to grind my face against a cheese greater just to make sure that I’m not in a dream where everyone is a fucking retard. When you log into Facebook they have a list of things that you should “like”: products, celebrities, business etc. Let me be clear here; I am exceptionally picky about what I “like” In fact I have two: my friend’s band The Brilliance, who I think are amazing and genuinely want to see do well. And Star Wars Revisited, a guy who’s re-edited Star Wars so all the shit that George Lucas put in after he went bat-shit crazy is taken back out. 

But today Facebook suggested that I “like” Exercise. Are you fucking kidding me?? Exercise? 

First of all no one in their right fucking mind actually likes exercise! And if anyone does say they do you can punch them right in their smug fat ugly faces! Exercising is meant to be shitty! For any effect you need to push yourself past your boundaries, tear muscles, accelerate your heart beat and run out of breath. You’re hot, you sweat, and you stink. NONE of that shit is fun! 

AH! I JUST RIPPED MY ASSHOLE!!

In fact it is so unappealing, that the majority of North Americans rather stay fat than to deal with that shit! Oh sure, you’ll see people at the gym with their perfect bodies and it looks like they’re having a great time: talking to their friends, wearing their perfect matching lulu lemon outfits, drinking their filtered water that’s filtered again before it goes through the spout. But those assholes aren’t actually exercising, they’re just posing! Walking around the gym to show off how great they look so that the fatty boob-o-latties that really need to be at the gym take one look at them and want to kill themselves. It makes them feel good about themselves! Now I’m not dismissing the effort it took to get their perfect bodies; that had to come from somewhere; and good for them. But I can still hate them for it, the same way I hate rich people for having money when I don’t. Or hating Jason Schwartzman for having my career! 

Fuck you, you career stealing Dick!

The point is, is that when they finally do pick up a dumbbell just watch how quickly their face changes! Okay there are the obvious benefits of exercising: more energy, longer life expectancy, and you usually get a hot body. But that comes AFTER exercising!

Now the question is: who mediates that shit? Who’s in charge of the Facebook Exercise fan page? Is there a council of fitness clubs and magazines that all preside over the operation of the page? Do the Reps from Extreme Fitness try to filibuster the motions made by Goodlife? Or did they just decide to give the reins to Jack Lalanne?   

Still got it!

And who are these people that need to declare publicly that they are for exercise? It’s not as if staying in shape is some greatly debated sociological issue! This isn’t something like wanting to support our troops or gay marriage. No one cares if you like exercise. In fact as stated before all it shows is that you’re filthy fucking liar and you’re going to burn in hell for making the baby Jesus cry with all your filthy fucking lies! 

Facebook was created to make rich kids feel good about themselves. Then it became successful because it had some great aplications. Then it was ruined by the socially awkward, the insecure and the worthless. …and your parents! 

"He forgot to log out! Quick! Post 'I am Gay!'"

For people to be so desperate that they need to announce to the world they "like" something as mundane as Exercise in the hopes that some random stranger will talk to them because, they too, were so desperate is a sad commentary on what our society has become.